When Conflict Seems Irresolvable

Is there really such a thing as an irresolvable conflict? First let me say that I think almost every conflict between two committed followers of Jesus ought to be able to find resolution amid their conflict. But, as so often happens, what ought to take place, oftentimes does not.

Should Christians to be capable of resolving conflict with one another? Yes! Do they always? No.

So how do we handle conflict that seems irresolvable? I think we have to start by reminding the conflicted of the Scripture’s teaching regarding interpersonal relationships.

When it comes to interpersonal relationships, there are all kinds of things that we Christians are called to do. We are called to be humble (1 Peter 3:8). We are called to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-48). We are called, as much as it depends on us, to live at peace with all people (Romans 12:17-21). We are called to love our neighbor (Mark 12:28-34). We are called to forgive (Matthew 18:21-22). We are called to pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). We are called to care for and consider one another with selfless motivation (Philippians 2:1-11). We are called to unity in Christ (John 17:20-26).

This list could go on and on, but if these passages provide us with a small but accurate sampling of how those of us who follow Christ are to treat others, then why is there so much conflict within the church? Why are there so many power struggles? Why is there spiritual abuse? Pastor, why are you called to moderate and arbitrate so many petty disputes?

I have a few ideas, but I am sure not many folks will like them. Much of the conflict that exists within the church today is rooted in selfishness and immaturity. In my experience, most church conflict does not develop as a result of legitimate concerns over heresy or sin but stems instead from people (pastors and leaders included) not getting what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. Many times we mask these selfish desires under a cloak of spirituality or hide them behind doctrinal concerns, but I maintain that very little conflict arises within the church over key tenets of orthodoxy or the confrontation of sin.

We will say more on this in a couple of days, but what do you think about this statement: Conflict is only irresolvable when people refuse to honestly and lovingly communicate, compromise when possible, and conform to the person of Christ.

I would love your feed back!

3 Responses to “When Conflict Seems Irresolvable”

1. 76am12 says:

   February 13, 2012 at 9:45 am

   Thank you for this wonderful article. I guess what can also stand in the way of conflict resolution between two people is pride and fear(fear of being hurt again, if a person was hurt by the other and fear of being rejected). I agree that conflict can be resolved through loving communication, compromise when possible and conformity to the person of Christ, though, sometimes I wonder if communication about the problem(depending on its nature), is better left unsaid and just prayed about and the person that is scared and/or offended and/or full of pride should conform to the person of Christ, as sated in your article, and leave it to God. I have often wondered how to navigate through a relationship when a person senses that another is not comfortable around them for some reason(perhaps due to jealousy, intimidation and so on…). We are called to resolution as brought out in your article, but sometimes even after a friendly talk about it with the other, things don’t always resolve; maybe because not everything was laid out in the open, certain things were left unsaid, but perhaps this is better sometimes as, if everything were said, that could lead to more pain and conflict…wondering about that. The verse that struck me in the scripture references included in this article is: John 17:23: “…May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” That is a high calling…our unity is what lets the world know that God sent the Lord Jesus and that God loves them as He has loved the Lord Jesus. No wonder Satan attacks our unity…we need to rise above. We may not understand at times, why certain relationships in the church are not working, but I guess we need to do our best to keep unified-that can be very difficult at times(especially if you don’t know what you did wrong(if this is the case, that you actually did wrong, you may not have)). Sometimes the reason/s are obvious and we need to step down from our high place and humble ourselves to resolve the conflict. We need to forgive and let it go.
2. Kris says:

   March 23, 2012 at 3:37 pm

   You’re dead on here. There has only been once in my ministry that someone approached me with what they believed was a violation of Scripture. I guess I’d have to ask what part the church plays in intentionally maturing disciples who can have healthy conflict?
3. Dennis Moles says:

   March 23, 2012 at 4:44 pm

   That has to be a big part of what we do. Too often in the church we isolate ourselves in likeminded clusters and don’t ever learn how to disagree with grace.