Pastor When They Want You Too

Recently, I had to come to grips with the fact that I am not my extended family’s pastor. I have to admit I laughed out loud when I read Bill’s article for this week. My favorite line in his article was this: “Being the family theologian (whose opinion carries little or no weight), the designated pray-er at mealtime for every family gathering, and the person called in any and every crisis situation can create friction and tension in families.”

If you’re like me, you have experienced all of these in abundance. The good news is that I have a very supportive family who really do value my thoughts and opinions even if they think I am raving mad half the time. But far more important than the theologian hat is the opportunity I have to wear the pastor hat.

I have had the privilege or, depending on how you look at it, the responsibility to conduct both weddings and funerals of some dear family members. There is something special about it. I will never forget looking into my brother and sister-in-law’s eyes as I pronounced them “man and wife.” It is a special gift to be able to share with people you love in this way.

Here are just a couple of thoughts to ponder: Don’t feel like you need to do every wedding or conduct every funeral. I was able to perform the wedding ceremony for my brother and two cousins; and I expect as the niece and nephews grow up there will be more and more opportunities for this. But in all three of those occasions I did not do the premarital counseling. I had them go somewhere else.

If you don’t feel like you can do it, don’t feel pressure to perform a funeral of an especially close relative. I was able to conduct the funeral for my grandfather, but I am not sure I would be able to do the same thing for my parents.

Understand that when times of tragedy occur, you will be called. Frankly, others will not know what to say when someone has cancer. More than likely you may be the only one in the family who knows what the inside of the casket room at the funeral home looks like.

Be there when they need you but let them tell you when they need you.