Pastoring Your Extended Family

Pastor, sometimes your extended family needs to know that they are just as important to you as your church or ministry. I used to get very frustrated when my family did not seem to understand how necessary and important I was to the churches I pastored.

In my pride and arrogance, I really believed I could and should do everything—take every phone call, preach every sermon, meet every counseling need. Because of this, I was exhausted when I visited my parents. I would take nonemergency phone calls at the dinner table after my precious and loving mother-in-law had prepared a wonderful family dinner. I would spend significant time during every stay sequestered from my brothers, sisters, niece, and nephews prepping for sermons or other church-related activities.

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was this: When I am with my family, I need to be with my family. I need to let go of some things and actually be away when I’m away. Here are some things I started doing to make sure that I could effectively minister to my extended family.

I began asking an elder or a ministry colleague to preach for me on the Sundays after I had been away. When I did not have an associate pastor, I would make sure to publish the names and phone numbers of the elders and deacons and instruct the congregation to contact them if they had a need while I was away. I would notify all ministry leaders via a personal conversation, a phone call, or an email that I was leaving and remind them of the proper chain of command to follow if they had a problem.