Care For Those You Love Most

My family really loves me. They are interested in and care about my ministry. They sympathize when things are going poorly, and they rejoice with me over victories. They are invested both in me and in the kingdom. But sometimes those who care for me most get pushed to the margins.

I have tried to explain what it’s like to carry a heavy pastoral burden, but many times my explanations just don’t quite compute. They try; they really do, but for the life of them they can’t figure out why I am so tired when I come for a visit. They really are trying to help when they suggest, “Just finish your sermon before you leave and then you won’t have to work on it while you’re here.” I know it frustrates them when I feel obligated to take a phone call during dinner. They are gracious, but they want to spend time with me. Good quality time. Time that is uninterrupted by exhaustion, sermon prep, or dinnertime phone calls.

I have tried to explain, but when I say, “I’m tired because I had to get 6 days of work done in 2 in order to take my vacation to come and see you,” they hear, “You have caused me pain and cost me a real vacation.”

I have tried to tell them, without breaking any confidences, that there is a “sensitive situation with one of our couples at the church,” as I slip away from the table to take a phone call. But what they perceive is “church people are more important than we are.”

It took me a long time to figure out that my family needs to matter at least as much to me as my church does. It took me even longer to learn the difference between what is urgent and what can wait. Amy says I am still learning. It took me quite a while to get over the guilty feelings I had for letting a call go to voicemail when I knew the situation was not urgent. Sometimes pastoring your extended family simply means communicating that you really do love seeing and spending time with them.