The Pastor’s Extended Family

In my 20+ years of pastoral ministry, I was blessed to have seasons of ministry in which members of my extended family were part of my congregations. This is a rich privilege, but not one without the potential for problems. Being the family theologian (whose opinion carries little or no weight), the designated pray-er at mealtime for every family gathering, and the person called in any and every crisis situation can create friction and tension in families. At the same time, there are incredible joys and privileges that ministry brings—performing the wedding ceremony of a beloved niece or nephew, performing the memorial service for a parent or grandparent, being trusted to give biblical counsel in life’s dark seasons, to name just a few. Being able to provide a measure of shepherding to those you love most is a rare thing, and not one to be taken lightly.

In that process, a couple of things ring true—one positive and the other negative. The first is the positive reality that no one has the potential for greater impact on our extended family than we do. To the degree that they are able to see Christ’s transforming power at work in us, we will become for them a point of reference for what a life with Christ looks like. Especially with our unbelieving loved ones, our consistent representation of Christ will be the greatest signal of the reality of the Savior and His redeeming work—because they know us best. Our family members have observed our ups and downs and our failures and successes. They know where we are weak, and they know if we are making progress in the areas of spiritual formation. This marks a powerful opportunity to put Christ on display.

The negative, however, harks back to the theme that has recurred throughout these discussions of the pastor’s family—expectations. The same intimate knowledge of our hearts and lives that can provide us with opportunities to represent Christ can also inadvertently create a measure of disbelief. Because they do know what our lives once were, they may be hesitant to accept a changed life for the wonder that it is, seeing it as merely religious or a passing fad. This reminds us of the importance of both consistency and endurance. We must be prepared to run the race of Christ for the long haul so that our watching loved ones will, over time, see the indisputable evidence of the grace of God. This also calls us to a measured attitude and heart as we respond to questions or criticisms of our faith or our walk. We must be prepared to do as Peter said: Follow Christ’s example. He wrote:

“For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth’; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Peter 2:21-23).

Obviously, the spiritual condition of our loved ones is a matter that can only be settled between them and Christ, but often our greatest opportunity to represent Christ will come as we respond to the dark side of life—even when it comes from the very people we love most and want most desperately to reach.