Need-to-Know Basis

One of the things Bill mentioned in his article this week is that he and Marlene decided not to talk about everything that went on at their church. While they relentlessly worked at clear and honest communication, Bill purposely, and with Marlene’s full agreement, did not disclose everything.

Amy and I have also found this practice very healthy. At times it has made for some very awkward conversations, especially when someone from the congregation approaches her and begins talking about a confidential subject.

Despite the occasional confusing conversation, this practice has served us quite well. It allows Amy to keep her distance from many of the more unattractive moments of pastoral ministry, and it keeps us from launching into a sensitive conversation around the kids. By not knowing everything, Amy is free to be blissfully ignorant of some of the more hurtful parts of the ministry.

Please understand, Bill and I are not saying that we hide things from our wives. We are talking about how we shepherd our homes. Sometimes what you don’t say is as important as what you do say.

One Response to “Need-to-Know Basis”

1. revronvegas says:

   October 17, 2011 at 5:03 pm

   My role as a pastoral confidant precludes me from sharing ANY information passed between me and a parishoner. Not even with my wife. This is expected by my parishoners. And understood by my wife. And since she has social and ministry contact with most of my parishoners she’ll be able to interact with them without bias.