Friendship (Part Three)

This week we have been looking at the friendship of David and Jonathan to see what characterizes a strong friendship—something desperately needed by men and women in ministry. So far, we have seen (on Monday and Tuesday) three characteristics of a strong friendship and today we add two final pieces…

Emotional Transparency

“As soon as the lad had gone, David arose from a place toward the south, fell on his face to the ground, and bowed down three times. And they kissed one another; and they wept together, but David more so” (1 Sam. 20:41).

Tears. There’s a myth that strong men don’t cry. Was David a strong man? Ask Goliath! Was Jonathan a strong man? Ask the Philistines he defeated in 1 Samuel 14. Men, who as boys were told not to cry, can become emotional cripples unable to express themselves in words or shed tears. But from the shortest verse in the Bible (John 11:35), we read: “Jesus wept.” Was Jesus strong? Read again the events surrounding the cross. Beatings, nails, a crucifixion! Jesus settles the issue of men and tears. “Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Heb. 12:2).

A Kiss. I regret to write that some have read 1 Samuel 20:41 and have suggested that the language of this text indicates a homosexual relationship between David and Jonathan. There is nothing in this biblical account that would suggest this kind of relationship! This verse applies here: “To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure” (Titus 1:15)

A Remarkable Eulogy
After Jonathan and Saul’s death, David sang these words:

“Saul and Jonathan were beloved and pleasant in their lives, and in their death they were not divided; they were swifter than eagles, they were stronger than lions. O daughters of Israel, weep over Saul, who clothed you with scarlet, with luxury; who put ornaments of gold on your apparel. How the mighty have fallen in the midst of battle! Jonathan was slain in your high places. I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; you have been very pleasant to me; your love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women. How the mighty have fallen, and the weapons of war perished!” (2 Sam. 1:23-27).

Why was David’s response remarkable? After Saul’s envy, jealousy, and anger toward David, he rose above pettiness and included Saul in his eulogy. And again, David underscored the depth of his love for his friend Jonathan. They had not seen one another since David’s departure (1 Sam. 20). But with the news of Jonathan’s death, his feelings surfaced and were wonderfully expressed.

Like David, I received the news of the passing away of my friend Leonard after the memorial service had already taken place. I would have valued the opportunity to express my love for him at the service. That missed opportunity was a reminder to me that probably the finest words expressed about someone we really love are saved for the funeral, where the deceased never hear them. Let’s remember to be intentional about using the phone and cards and e-mail to personally express our love for those we love and appreciate.

Recommended Resources:

Leap Over a Wall by Eugene Petersen

David by Gene Getz

David by Philip Keller

David by Stuart Briscoe

The Friendless American Male by David Smith