Studies in Job (pt.2): When You Don’t Know What to Say

Text: Job 2:11–6:25

Introduction: We all have to face a “Job situation.” Someone we care about suffers a loss. They have lost their job, their home, their health, or a loved one. Like the three friends of Job, we feel we should visit, but sometimes we hesitate because we don’t know what to say. In Job 2:11–6:25, we discover some positive guidelines, along with some negative warnings, for our visit.

 A.  Positive Guidelines

    1.     Give your presence (Job 2:11).
It costs Job’s friends something to come to him in his suffering: money for travel, a change in their schedule, and time for the three of them to make a coordinated connection in some village. All of this required effort and expense. Still, they came to see Job. In the New Testament, we read of some other men who were the friends of a man who couldn’t walk (Mark 2). When those friends found out that Jesus was in Capernaum, they did everything they could to get their friend to the feet of Jesus, including taking a roof apart! When the Holy Spirit prompts us to make that visit, we need to go.

    2.     Sit in silence (Job 2:12-13).
Job’s three friends expressed their grief in a typical Middle Eastern way: by weeping, tearing their robes, and sprinkling dust on their heads. Then they remained silent for 7 days and nights. It’s hard for us—with our aversion to silence and our addiction to noise—to imagine that week of silence. When face-to-face with suffering, we don’t need to be afraid of silence. Silence can encourage a bonding of our hearts.

    3.     Listen (Job 3).
Job broke the silence with an honest cry from his heart. His humanity surfaced. He wished he had never been born! He asked why these things had happened to him. He longed for death. If we were with Job and listening to his words, how could we help him? Would we diagnose or, after we heard the full range of emotions, would we simply say, “I don’t have an answer to the complex problem of human suffering. But I will listen to your heart.” Listening to our friend and choosing our words thoughtfully would be far better than the caustic words that began to assault Job in chapter 4.

B.    Negative Warnings

     1.     Don’t play God (Job 4:7-8).
The first of Job’s friends to speak was Eliphaz. He took the very complex question of human suffering and attempted to give a generic answer: “You suffer because of some sin in your life.” When we try to provide answers for suffering that only God can give, we are playing God. There’s an old hymn that begins, “If we could see beyond today as God can see.” But we can’t. So, spur-of-the-moment, easy answers only add to the wounds of the already wounded!

     2.     Don’t be superficial (Job 4:12-17).
Eliphaz made another major mistake that we do not want to follow. He based further counsel on a wild dream he had one night. Superficial and unbiblical counsel is damaging. We may mean well. Sometimes we reduce our words at the bedside to slogans we have picked up along the way. A grieving heart is untouched by slogans like: “God knows best,” or “She’s far better off now,” or “Just remember Romans 8:28.” If you really want to know what to say to someone going through a storm, read the insight that Job gave his visiting friends.

C.    What Will Help?

     1.     Reflect hope (Job 6:11).
Job wanted reasons to hope. He asked his three friends: “What strength do I have, that I should hope? (6:11). At the lowest point in his life, he provided us with a vivid word picture of this need (6:15-20). Job said his three friends disappointed him like a dried-up brook. Having lived in the Middle East, I can picture this. Every morning my wife and I took an early walk to beat the heat of the day and passed a dried-up brook such as Job described. Job needed refreshing words, but the words he heard were as dry as the desert. What are these refreshing words that offer hope? Pastor Bill Hybels offers some suggestions in his book Just Walk Across the Room:

• To those filled with shame, “Grace and forgiveness can come your way.”
• To those bound up in destructive habits, “When the Son sets you free, you’ll be free indeed.”
• To the weary, “Jesus promises rest for your soul.”
• To the grieving, consolation and comfort.
• To the sick and dying, eternal life and new bodies in the hereafter.

Words like these, when hope has just about vanished, can be a priceless gift to the sufferer if share sensitively at the proper time.

      2.     Speak kindly in love (Job 6:14).
Job told his three counselors something else he needed: “To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shown by his friend” (6:14). You have to search long and hard to find a kind word in these lengthy diatribes attacking Job. The expression most approximating kindness is found in Job 4 when they acknowledged that he had been helpful to some. But Job yearned for far more, because his pain was deep and his loneliness was settling in like the early morning fog.

If we desire to deliver kind words, what can we say? Words from the heart are best. For example, we can tell the sufferer what a good friend he has been. We can share an unforgettable memory. We can tell her she can count on you for a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. We can say, “I love you.”

3.     Share honestly (Job 6:25).
Job confronted his accusers and demanded straight talk, “right words.” He said, “How forceful are right words! But what does your arguing prove?” When our loved ones are suffering, they may have serious questions about what is happening to them. Because tragedy will take them on an emotional roller-coaster ride, it’s important to be sensitive to their feelings and to allow them to lead the conversation. It could be helpful to cautiously, yet courageously, ask what questions they are struggling with. Do they have doubts and fears?

Conclusion: In the hour of someone’s need, go to the one who is struggling. Go with confidence. Go with a listening ear. Go, remembering the words that Job was longing to hear—words that are honest but that reflect hope and show kindness.