What Is The Heart of Forgiveness? (Part 3)

This week we have been looking at the issue of forgiveness. We began with the idea of conditionality, then moved to how love can be unconditional, but forgiveness cannot. So, what do we do when we have been hurt? How do we counsel people who have been mistreated by others? This brings us to a third critical question:

What Does Love Require?

We are called to model agape love—the love that reflects God’s love. By definition, it is a self-sacrificing love that seeks the welfare of the one loved. What then, in forgiveness, does that look like? In other words, what does love require?

A. Maintain a Forgiving Spirit

“Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4)

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Eph.4:32)

We are to be people of mercy and grace, ready to forgive—like our heavenly Father.

B. Seek the Highest Good of Another

Sometimes this involves pain—but the desire is not to punish or gain revenge or retribution. The intent must ever be to correct and restore (like child discipline or church discipline).

(5) and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, “MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD, NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM; (6) FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES, AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES.” (7) It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? (8) But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. (9) Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? (10) For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. (11) All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. (Heb.12:5-11)

C. Be Honest

Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE OF YOU WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. (Eph.4:25)

The fact is that, uncomfortable as it may be, we are not being honest with one another if we sweep mistreatment under the rug and refuse to deal with it.

D. Maintain Accountability

Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. (Gal.6:1)

All of us have a responsibility to remain accountable. Lack of accountability produces extraordinary opportunity for spiritual failure. We need this done for us, and we need to do so for one another as well!

E. Trust God for Outcomes

(19) Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. (20) “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” (21) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom.12:19-21)

(35) Vengeance is Mine, and retribution, In due time their foot will slip; For the day of their calamity is near, And the impending things are hastening upon them.’ (36) For the LORD will vindicate His people, And will have compassion on His servants, When He sees that their strength is gone, And there is none remaining, bond or free. (Deut.32:35-36)

(22) WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH; (23) and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously (1 Peter 2:22-23)

There it is… the key to forgiveness. While we may not be able to forgive when someone is unwillingly to make things right, we are not allowed to hang onto that hurt and the bitterness it so easily and inevitably produces. Remember the warning of Hebrews:

looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled (Heb.12:15)

So, are you willing to forgive? An are you willing to do the hard work forgiveness requires if we are to have a chance of seeing broken relationships required?

What has your experience been in this area? Good? Bad?